The Present Is Our Gift

Lao Tzu

Friends, I’m so glad you decided to share this sentiment and this moment with me.  I am ever so appreciative of all the support Nixon and I receive from around the globe and I never want to miss a positive note or let someone go un-thanked.  I begin from a place of gratitude and love.  Thank you!

That said, it isn’t always easy to stay in the present.  My head gets clouded with thoughts of “what’s next…” and “I should’ve…”.  Each day as we work toward a more conscious self, we become more aware of the roads we have traveled, where we are, and of course, where we are going.   I shake it off and remember that it is only this moment that counts, and my choice to love, and to give, are ever present, as the current moment is always … well … current.

Living in that realization, I know I can create a string of perfect moments, that together, in essence create a powerful and meaningful existence.  An existence without fear or regret, an existence that constantly moves forward and actively participates in helping the greater good of me, my family and “us” as a collective.  This is when I am at my best.  It is when you are at your best as well.  Don’t let darkness cloud the light that you already are.  Focus on the positive messages consistently showing themselves to you.  The energy of goodness is always around, the challenge is to constantly choose goodness.

Each day, as I give more of myself by living in my truth and supporting others (remember reciprocity is important), I am moved by the generosity and loving spirits that support me and give me the encouragement to let my voice be heard.  From the effervescent Barry Jordan, Jr., who has penned fantastic children’s books “Grandma Can I Get A Dog” and “Mom! What’s That,” to my folks “across the pond” in the UK that stand strong with Nixon and I in the media. As I remain open, the more love envelops me. I mustn’t forget my Canadian family, I am so proud to have dual citizenship.  Canadians are open and loyal.   I find respite there and in the hearts of the people who live in my sister country.

It is that love and support that enables me to continue to reach out and help others.  My challenges are far from over, and Nixon’s are just beginning.  I repeat to myself over and over “To move forward, keep giving back”.  I have bad days, I have sad days, there are days I just want to cry and ponder the past or wonder about the future.  I know to be kind to myself, honoring my journey … honoring my spirit.  I am doing the best I can and I am proud to be who I am.  My son lives in a strange and alternate universe and my heart aches for him to have a normal existence, however, we all live a strange existence and we are all trying to find our place.  We are all striving to find a place of comfort and acceptance within our day to day lives, which leads us to rue the past or ponder the future.  No one person is any better nor different, than any other person. Some journeys are simply just more visible. Shedding fear and embracing courage, we can all affect change and make things better for those around us and ourselves at the same time.  Accountability, compassion, and an open heart are the only components that are able to differentiate the outcomes

That is exactly why the present is a gift.  It is given and renewed over and over.  The present is the continuum that is everlasting and it is the only true space where we can love, create, sing, dance, manifest and meditate.  It is the present that makes us ever powerful, it is the present that is already full of the electric energy lighting the path for us to see our way forward in the exact way we are meant to. The gift of “the present” cannot be re-gifted, nor recreated.  It is something we must embrace now.

I am so proud of you and know you are loved.  You are not called to be perfect, you are only called to “BE”.  You are more than enough, you are powerful and strong, you are beautiful, and you are unique.  There is no comparison, there is no grass that is greener.  Whether you are looking back or looking forward, stop to unwrap the gift that is eternally given to you … the present.


Did Anyone Tell You How Awesome You Are Today?

Did Anyone Tell You How Awesome You Are Today?.

Did Anyone Tell You How Awesome You Are Today?

Dont suffer

Deciding to make your life public in any sort of way, in part and parcel or all together is a challenging one.  I didn’t choose to make my life public at the beginning , but I have I chosen to embrace it and use the global platform to affect change.  For myself, for children, for moms, for women, for dad, parents and anyone whom I am able to touch.  It gives me a way to turn all the negative into positive and celebrate the very best decision I’ve ever made…becoming a mother and a socially conscious global citizen.  #SpiritualGangster if you will.

However, as I think about my journey and my subsequent choice to heal through self expression, it leads me to think of others who have not made that choice.  People that are critiqued, criticized, heralded as a heroes, or ripped to shreds for one reason or another via the internet and other forms of media.

Let me be very clear here.  I love the internet and all other forms of media.  I frequently weigh in as a marketing or pop culture expert for television shows, many of the hippest entertainment forums, and I write for 3 magazines and several blogs.  I have a dynamic group of family, friends, and colleagues that I respect and love. I volunteer more than I work.  Nixon is healthy and happy and so freakin awesome … on my worst day, I still know I’ve done one thing right!  None of this means I don’t need to hear how awesome I am once in a while.  I have weathered every imaginable comment, news story, gossip blog, and just plain made up ballyhoo, but it’s the “I’m proud of you,” the  “I love you,” the “keep fighting,” the “we are standing with you” that brings tears to my eyes.  Not the nasty ridiculous stuff, its low brow and let’s face it, hurt people … hurt people.  But the heart felt understanding of what I am trying to do, that I want a better world for all of us and our children, that I WILL NEVER STAND DOWN, not for my rights, my child’s right nor YOUR RIGHTS either is what keeps me unafraid and able to face any battle.

Thank you.  Let me be the first person to say I LOVE YOU and YOU ARE AWESOME! Today and everyday.  I am here to remind you of this, and I will be every day.  You are doing the best you can and though you may think no one notices, I believe we live among “Terrorists of Fun” that just refuse to acknowledge how freakin awesome we are.  I think they are sad people.  I think perhaps they may even be a skosh disappointed with their own choices and have made some awkward decision that hurting someone else will make them feel better, and if they say it out LOUD, or behind some stupid screen name not realizing that an IP address can be traced, that they will convince you it’s true.  IT IS NOT TRUE, AND IT HOLDS NO MERIT.  YOU ROCK!

Look, as women, we are born and bred to feel guilty.  The moment the sperm meets the egg and we become pregnant, the “mother guilt” kicks in.  There is really no way out of it except to give our children, or niece, nephew or pet the “evil eye” to relieve some of our guilt, when they are only doing what they were born to do, like picking his or her nose or chewing one of our favorite handbags.

Today, some venomous barbs were thrown my way, worse, they were thrown at Nixon, by some ridiculous shrew on twitter.  Before I could even digest the heinous remarks, many of you jumped to our defense and I heard from @thebabyspotca just giving me a shout out.  It brought tears to my eyes to know someone hears me and someone understands.  The picture is not about me, it is about what we can do together, social consciousness.  How can we make this world a better place for our children, our loved ones and our future?  Well, it starts by changing the negatives to positive and taking time to ask as many people as you can “Did anyone tell you how awesome you are today?”.  Then follow it up with giving them a heartfelt compliment, smile, or even help with something they need.  If a hurtful barb comes your way, understand that the person spewing venom needs our compassion and it can only be rebuffed with calm and loving understanding that their poison does NOT belong to you.  Just email and I’ll back you up!

Friends, you helped pick me up today … YOU ARE AWESOME.  @THEBABYSPOTCA YOU ARE AWESOME.  You touched my heart right as I needed it. Thank you.

Now THAT is #MOM #MotivatingOtherMothers.  Love and honor to all of you. #SpiritualGangster #WarriorMoms

Thank you!

#Mom and #Nixon       Live To Learn

The Golden Handcuff Project

For many years before my mother passed away in 2010, I asked her to create a little book of all of her sayings and her favorites in life.  Her name was Enid.  She loved to laugh, cook, eat, travel, garden, and really participate in life.  Above all, she loved to help other people.  By profession, my mother was a child psychiatrist, by life’s passion, my mother was a hero to children everywhere.

There is no secret that I was a smidge rebellious.  Not the kind that skipped school,  or did drugs, but the kind that was always starting some ridiculous petition, or taking an inconvenient stand on some issue I didn’t agree with.  My mother and I, both Aquarius often locked horns …literally! And by virtue of  the meeting of two great minds, many colloquialisms were used and created.

The Golden Handcuff Project.  My mother always told me that I must unlock the golden handcuffs to truly be free and successful.  I went through many renditions of this in my head, and didn’t really understand why ANYONE would remove anything made of gold!  It was only after she passed and I had my own child, that I began to understand that it could only be ME allowing myself to be “handcuffed” to things that made me comfortable.  Well, complacent really.  I was naturally good at many things, charismatic, have always had many friends and enjoyed success in many areas. In love, life, and career.

It wasn’t  until my life was thrown under a microscope and I was globally discussed, that I realized … I could have it all AND change the world.  Sometimes you need to be uncomfortable to affect change in yourself.  I realized that all the career, financial, and personal successes, were wonderful, but they were LIMITED.  Simply by me being comfortable.

Now as I rebuild, I am stronger and better than ever.  I am a better mother, friend, sister, aunt, daughter, girlfriend, HUMAN BEING, than I ever was before.  Some times you gotta lose it all to gain more than you ever dreamed of.  I unlocked my Golden Handcuffs.  My wish is for you to do the same! 

Golden Handcuffs



Control. Alt. Delete

Control. Alt. Delete. The power of the “reboot.” A simple thought, and a much more challenging action. Whether it is getting your three keys and fingers synched, or synchronizing your mind, body, and spirit… everyone needs a reboot sometimes.


My journey is not one that has gone unfollowed by any part of the world. It seems as though my life, my choices, and my child have all been under scrutiny and rapid fire for five years. It’s ok. My son Nixon is the light of my life. Becoming a mother was the single best choice ever. I have grown and changed in ways I never imagined, nor known I needed.


As my story exploded, I faced many questions and many difficult choices. The most important choice being, how to protect my son. It is not something I could hide from, nor something I wanted Nixon to ever feel ashamed of, I was called to live in my truth. I was a successful marketing executive; I had come from an phenomenal family with parents who stayed married for forty-seven years until the passing of my mother, and two super achieving brothers, one hailing from Harvard Med and the other from Columbia Law School. I had carved my niche and reached soaring heights in my career. All of a sudden, the tabloids, the Internet, even the news, were ablaze with the story of me filing a paternity suit. Well, is it not the right thing to do? Should we not provide our children and our next generation with the power of identity, and the strength of unconditional love? Should we not hold others accountable for their behavior? I most certainly was being held accountable for mine. I believe that the most important tool we have is security of identity. To know whom we are. To whom we belong, and what our destiny is to be. Therefore, amidst the fervor and the massive amount of coverage, I rebooted my soul. Control. Alt. Delete.

Surely there had to be a be a way to make sense out of this whirlwind. There had to be a way to give this unexpected and epic battle meaning, for my family, my son, the larger picture, and ultimately, humanity. What I read about me, my son, and the Knowles family was inhumane. I guess I had never really paid attention to the content of the comments that net-surfers make. Now, they were aimed at all of us. Vicious, disgusting, and unnecessary. I heard the loud cry of the damaged and forgotten striking out to be heard. Self righteous and judgmental, I realized I was as much a part of “them” as ‘they’ were a part of me.

Control. Alt. Delete. Not about ME. Reboot. It is about US. All of us. We are responsible for each other. Not each other’s actions, but the well being of US as a race. The human race.

I dove into case law. I scoured every nook and cranny to find people who could understand my need for my child to have an identity… a voice. There were many. I met mothers and fathers, veterans and civilians, children and adults, every race and every creed crying out for their voices to be head. I discovered that under the cloak of an educated, “well-rounded,” and very civilized upbringing, we, collectively, had left behind so many.

I read statistics of single mothers, of homelessness, poverty, and lack of education. I witnessed and lived the statistics in every state office and every day of family court, chronicled in depth by the press and the public. I was horrified at the state of so many people in our country, my breath stolen by the silence of desperation. My mission became clear. Speak up! Stand up! Be the change! I began to listen and really hear the people that were presenting precious time and wisdom to me as gifts. Spiritual food and strength. I cried with them, laughed with them, and hugged them. I gave away all that I had left … everything, to anyone who needed it. I donated time. I donated food. I donated my spirit to help uplift those that were uplifting me. The more I gave, the more there was to be given. I found that if I shifted my consciousness to be involved in making the world a better place for my son, that he would be rich with identity and pride. That I will have demonstrated through my actions my commitment to my fight for him and for all children lost in the cracks. I could turn the other cheek every time because the only way I could fail was to quit.

Five years of silence. Two years of court leading to trial, countless death threats, and Google alerts. The death of my mother, loss of friends, staggering betrayal, and a world that had seemingly turned its back on me, my son, and everything we were taught to hold dear resulted in clarity, beauty, and freedom. For you see, once I “rebooted” my soul, there was no fear, no failure, and no judgment. I lived my truth in Technicolor. I hid nothing, and never spoke against anyone. I immediately forgave, and pressed through an incredibly long night. When the sun rose, I realized that I had helped nearly 1000 women and children. The time I had spent studying case law and the endless hours wondering why our judicial system was failing us. The time spent reflecting on how one human being could turn his back on his own flesh and blood helped me rise! It gave me humility and perspective to genuinely help others and the empathy to identify with their struggles. I knew to move forward I had to keep giving back. With love and passion, I defined myself as a woman, as a warrior, and as a mother. Nixon’s mother. Enid’s daughter. Humanity’s friend. I could not be more proud to look at the women I stand with today. They are all warriors. They are all great mothers. They are all someone’s daughters. I will never stop. Titles and salaries had defined my corporate career. Tabloids and headlines were outwardly defining my personal life. My choice to bring a life into this world, had been inspected, judged, and ruled upon by the world at large. I let go! I poured into affecting positive change wherever I went. I smiled and pushed my chin up; I was not lost, I was not afraid, and I was more sure than ever that my spirit had been defined by the faces I saw smiling back at me and the sisterhood I had foraged with the forgotten and the cast-out. I will never stand down… and if I am ever afraid…

Control. Alt. Delete. Reboot my soul!

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